Mother of two who favoured neither. More she grew and grew yet noticed by no one she git her teeth through age sufferance and pining pains.

Like a destiny of eternal suffering, has one forgotten that maybe hell is precisely as described as life amongst the living? That loss, rejection, aches and pains are just the obvious stigma that living might just be the equalivant of dead in hell?

If we continued to be rotten in our very own personal and unique ways are we not turning hell around but presenting ourselves with pitchforks and bloodlust?

As a result of valentines day I’m making the world a better place. Make nobody lonely starting with the love of my life and breath of life – my mother.

Honestly, i’d ask my mother to be my valentine but I’m not sure if Evelyn would be open to that but as compelled as I am to declare the suffering the wrinkles have seen and the under appreciatedness of her worn hands. Maybe this year, dedicate your love the your unconditional love – mum or dad.

Have the dead been buried? What then could it be that crawls up one’s spine to tear out the structure of strength, confidence and hope. Had emptiness, self-hatred been the only depths in life’s baseless reasoning? Why then do I still continue to fight the tedious battle? What then is the war within me?

For the sands whom slip through the cracks
Grasp not the security but the beauty
Yearning for a lust
The sample of breast and buttocks
Its the up-against-the-wall fantasy

Had strokes suffered to thy name
Each shot dedicated to your face
Of flows on lips untamed
Seep through the skin

The siren calls

I never imagined that I would enjoy a Broadway musical this much, just goes to show the amazing talent of the cast and the brilliance in planning, detail and the choreography of the whole performance.

As a birthday celebration for Evelyn, we caught Wicked! Though lead Alphaba’s name keeps escaping me, she was the character I related most to. Misunderstood for the warped perspective. Held back by society just because I look different, behave differently and always getting caught in the middle.

If only one would learn to be more accepting of others and make their life an easier one to live. Wouldn’t the world get a little better? Of course the theatrics of the musical dramatised the expressions to exaggeration beyond comprehension. Yet one cannot help but wonder how the elaborated feelings strike such a realistic chord?

The humour was nothing short of clever. As far as scorned women go, Wicked depicts the perfect combination of silly, serious, fierce and magical stunningly all while poking fun at rejected schoolmates and the ever beautiful and popular girl everyone wants to be with.

If you’ve ever felt like everything you’ve worked so hard for crumbled at every single one of your touch, Wicked might just be for you.

Would or could you imagine doing something, something that you like, forever? Without an end till the end of time or at least your time?

How does one sum up the discipline and determination to keep at things and never raise the white flag? When things get too hard its considerably easy to grit your teeth, keep calm and carry on. But when people get difficult, how then shall you react?

Hardly anyone these days have the moral courage to reflect on their actions and think things through before jumping to conclusions. I too am no exception. Many time I’ve caught myself in situations where I quickly judge people based on what they’ve done rather then their actual capabilities as a thinking, compassionate human being. The downfall of man would eventually rapture the hearts of Gods knowing that their creations whom they’ve designed – capable of thought and feeling, are capable of such tainted schemes.

Would a change be a difference? I’m not the only one wondering.

Never have anyone ever made me feel this way, transcendence of sheer excitement, pleasure, disarray and complete unsure trust.
I pray only that we may have but a moment more together that I may crawl back to apologize.
Right were you all along, I am weak – the weakest of the brats.

Trash.

Fuck-up.

Yet, if its love you desire, allow love to work it’s magical ways around your life to teach you to be patient and understanding. Not quick to anger or pettiness.

We’re all just trying to get through the day without committing suicide or killing another in the process but this is just part of life and its challenges.

Just like trying to fit into jeans you once found too big, its just plain and simple as that. We’re all just trying to survive one another. Grow up little boy, you’ve still much to learn. Think not that you are brilliant nor capable or anything. Yet if you keep working at it, maybe you will be.

Never give up my son. We’re tougher than that.

The nasaly music from the overpriced speakers of the coffeeshop by the corner tones the nerves, teleports your senses into a emotional surreality one calls a proper state-of-mind.

Then there is the rustling of plastic bun sheets in the background and the occasional intrusion of lightly toasted bread that just fucks your nostrils like the EU debt crisis.

Its a pretty darn perfect start to the day and I probably will not forget this day soon. Then again, I’ve never been a real fan of Starbucks or even coffee. But today, I screw the blades, switch the speed to low and just enjoy life for what its truly worth.

I just realized that the convenience store Cheers’s logo is made up of a smile. State-of-mind bitchias! State-of-fucking-mind!